Q: Where can I go for help?
A: There are several places you can go for help. It kinda depends on what type of help you are looking for. Do you need help with alcohol, drugs, or just living life to it’s fullest without either? Do you want treatment, or just attend a meeting to see if it’s right for you? Is it even you…or a loved one? Let’s narrow it down and we can go from there.
You can also check out http://uiu.edu/studentlife/health/gettinghelp.html for some local info.
So when do you know, when to say no? I have to admit, I still struggle with this one. Actually, it was much easier to say “no” when I was using. Probably because I didn’t really care about anything but where my next drink/fix was coming from. It was easy to blow off family and “friends” requests. I could always come up with an excuse…I have to do this or that or I’m to tired or I don’t feel well (ha, that’s a bit ironic now that I think about it.) I could con with the best of the cons to manipulate people into doing what I wanted or needed. What does that have to do with saying no? I never had to.
What a difference sobriety makes! Unfortunately I still have trouble saying “no”, but it’s for different reasons. Now I don’t want to say no because I want to enjoy all the responsibilities and rewards that go with being involved. Sobriety has allowed me to feel what it’s like to feel. To know and truly understand that when I say “no”, it’s for the right reasons. Ahhh, life is grand
Trust was always a difficult thing for me. When I was young, my parents divorced and for the longest time I thought it was my fault. I had a hard time thinking my Dad would remember me and my brothers. (This of course was totally unfounded as we seen him regularly.) But the thought was always in my mind. When he left, I didn’t trust him to keep in contact and I think that was the beggining of my trust issues.
As I got older my distrust of people only increased. What an impossible life that was so I started running with a group of people where trust didn’t matter because you never really got that close anyway. But, I knew I was missing something in my life. Something I started to feel I may never have and honestly, that was more difficult to accept (there’s that word again) than not trusting at all. So to deal with my caged-pain, I decided to bury it, hide it not only from the world but from myself.
I look back now at all the years of drinking and using and realize it may not have been other people I didn’t trust, but perhaps myself. I thought I had done right as a child and yet my Dad left. Maybe I didn’t do right, maybe it was indeed my fault they divorced. I know now it wasn’t as I have a fantatic relationship with my Dad and thankfully, we have talked about it. I’m ok with they’re split today. I realize I have to trust people everyday…I trust complete strangers while driving down the highway that they don’t cross the center line. I trust my family, I trust my friends, and most importantly, I trust myself and for that, I am thankful.
What a deep and touchy subject. Expectations can mean so many different things to different individuals. My expectation of earning a good grade could be totally different than yours, I mean what is a good grade to you? Some view it as “passing is good enough” but I, in my perfectionistic own little world, would in no way be satisfied with that. But even with several different ideas about expectations, there is one thing in common, everyone has them.
My expectations used to disappoint me to no end. After all, why can’t people think the way I do…why can’t they act the way I do…why won’t they be the way I want them to be? My expectations continually set me up for disappointment. Some friends and even a few family members used to drive me fricken nuts because they didn’t see the world through my eyes. So I would get loaded just to hide the ever-lasting frustration.
Now that I have been clean and sober for almost 17 years, I view expectations in a much different way. Sure I still have high expectations for myself, but I can’t do anything to change others so it’s more acceptance now than expectations. Wow, what a load off! I accept my friends and family for who they really are. They don’t have to see things the way I do. In fact, it makes life way more interesting for me to hear different opinions and thoughts. The little nuances and habits that used to bother me don’t any more. I tell myself, “That’s just the way they are” and it makes accepting people in my life so much easier.
Expectations for myself, I can deal with. I can manage. But I know when I start setting unrealistic expectations for those in my life, it never turns out good.
Thanks for stopping by to read (and hopefully comment) this blog. Whether you’re here for yourself, or a friend, know you are in the right place to find information and possibly make a life-changing decision. I’m not here to lecture you on the rights and wrongs you may have done. I am here to help you make a decision. A decision that could determine the rest of your life. Believe me, I know, I have made that decision.
A couple years ago I was lost. Not physically or geographically, but mentally and psychologically. Every now and then, I remembered who I used to be, and missed it. I finally hit my bottom and knew I had to make a change. Was it hard? Hell yes it was hard. Anything worthwhile usually is. But I did it. And so can you, if you want.
I cannot tell you what to do, it’s your life. But I can tell you what I have went through and how I turned my life around. I can tell you stories that may make you cringe, and I can tell you stories that may make you laugh. All of which, I believe, I went through for a purpose. To make me the person I am today.
So if you’re looking for someone to make a decision for you, it ain’t gonna happen here. Looking for someone to tell you that your brother or sister has a problem? Nope, that isn’t me either. All you’ll get here is someone who will tell it like it is, and let you decide if you want it like it was.
Remember, ALL posts are completely anonymous. There’s now way in hell this would ever make a difference if they weren’t. I hope you find it in you to leave comments so others can see they aren’t alone.
This is a moderated blog updated by Upper Iowa University and your posts will remain anonymous. It’s easy… just post your questions/comments below regarding substance abuse and we will reply as soon as possible.
Check it out – starting January 18, 2011, we are offering online support every Tuesday night from 7:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
Please follow the instructions below to join the online meeting:
1. Go to https://uiuhk.webex.com/uiuhk/j.php?ED=163914617&UID=1197125672&PW=NZjE0ZmU5OTll&RT=MiM3
2. If requested,enter a fictitious name (not your own). This will keep you anonymous. Enter the email address : firstname.lastname@example.org
3. If a password is required, enter the meeting password: Peacocks11
4. Click “Join”.
5. Follow the instructions that appear on your screen. (You may be asked to install “Active-X” control, please do so.)